I don’t even know if I want to do this anymore. I’m so lost! I don’t want to leave my friends and family. For the first time in a very long time, I’m feeling okay again.
Now, I really want to wake up in the morning. I feel down sometimes, but it is not like before. My head does not drown in my thoughts anymore. I feel great.
What if I leave and everything falls apart again? What if everyone hates me?
What if my friends forget about me? What if they are not here anymore when I come back? What about B?
This is the first time in my life when I actually don’t want to leave this place. My life is here. This is my home!
but soon it won’t be anymore. I’m going to the other side of the globe. and I’m scared I’m going to lose myself on the way……
So, my friends are going to smoke and I’m not invited….
Thanks… But I understand. I’m just an annoying piece of shit anyway
omg, MA was just kidding. I’m not going to have a oral exam after all. I’m going to kill her …
I can’t do this anymore. Today, I stayed home from school, because I was so tired I couldn’t think straight. I handed in a photo project and went back to sleep.
I woke up about an hour later because I got a message on Facebook. It was B telling me about my funeral…oral math exam. First I thought it was a joke… then I broke down. Everything just fell apart. Last time I had a big presentation I had a panic attack. I feel like this isn’t going to go any better. I’m crying. I just want to cry forever and pretend the outside world does not excised. Just get me away from this nightmare……